Wedding: "First Look"

The girls and I were told that the boys were lined up around the corner waiting for us. It was really important to Patrick to not see me until I was walking down the aisle, so instead of a "first look" we did a "first prayer". We held hands around a corner so we couldn't see each other and then the rest of the bridal party joined us making a wonky circle.

I had written Patrick a song about choosing one another about a month before the wedding and recorded it. I had sat down at the piano at my church and prayed, "God what would you have me say to Patrick? What is going on in my heart". It was like the spirit pulled out of my mouth the truths that were actually taking place in my heart that I was so detached from. I was so excited to share it with everyone. It was about what love and marriage is: a choice that we make everyday. I discovered while improvising the song that I've learned to choose Jesus everyday since I met HIM, so I know I will be able to choose Patrick everyday.

After I played him the song I just began praying for him and blessing him, then Patrick prayed for me. There was a brief pause and then my friend Kate asked if the whole bridal party could pray for us? she suggested that they could start with the girls praying for me and the men praying for Patrick. We gave a very enthusiastic yes!

The presence of God was so heavy I fell to the ground, it was like time slowed down and we were literally in a cloud of the Spirit. The girls fell to their knees and it was like this: You know that scene in Mulan when all the soldiers are on top of the snowy hill about to attack Mulan's camp? Mulan and the men look up and realize "we are all going to die"! That's what most of my engagement felt like. Like I was surrounded by Satan's army with demons of fear and anxiety and depression. But when the woman of God started praying it was like that snow avalanche came and began to overpower and suffocate all of the evil. It was so overwhelmingly powerful it brings me to tears to just think about it.

They all started started shouting prayers like warriors. Every voice pierced my heart. It was as if they were truly fighting off all darkness that had been attacking us for months with The Spirit of God. I remember thinking as they prayed a thought from God, "Satan thought he was gaining victory but He has no idea the amount of angels and power I am about to unleash upon Him". I couldn't help but praise God for His power and might and victory! He totally showed up for our wedding and fought off all our enemies... finally saying "ENOUGH" to all of our attackers. I truly saw the strength of God and had never felt his presence stronger in my life. It was like a bulldozer.

From there everyone lined up to walk down the aisle to the song "Love like Jesus". My dad waited in the doorway for me to tap him for our "first moment". We waited downstairs until they gave us the signal that it was time to walk down the aisle. I was no longer afraid, I wasn't anxious, I was full of Joy that surpassed understanding, full of gratitude, full of excitement.

I thought,

YES, See Satan- God will go before me and protect me! You thought this wedding wasn't going to happen but The Lord rescued me! He gave me joy for my mourning and laughter for my tears. What you came to destroy God has taken victory in! The Lord goes before me and fights my battles, He will not let me crumble! My God will not forsake me! You thought you had me surrounded but you had no idea what God was up to! He NEVER fails!

So there I stood arm in arm with my father of this world, full of laughter and warmth from my heavenly father, knowing my identity as a child of God is the only ground I needed to stand on. The Lord, He's got me, He blesses me. I was ready for those doors to open and die to my old life and be joined in my new life with Patrick. Jesus taught me how to die to myself, and I was ready to walk towards the death. Because with Jesus it doesn't stop at death. He comes to resurrect. To bring new life. To exchange our caterpillar ways, for the life of a butterfly.